May 12, 2008 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I woke up at 1:00 am, had a couple of contartions and went back to sleep, again I woke up at 3:00, thought nothing of having a couple more contracions. Woke up at 5:00 and called Scott, these contractions were painful. I called my nurse, Emily, she put me on the monitors, the contractions were every 2 minutes and very strong. Luckly, I remembered my breathing techniques from lamaze with Ethan. Scott arrived from the hotel about 5:15 and I recieved a dose of "Turb". Nothing happened, again at 5:30 Emily gave me another dose, again nothing happened, by this time I was scared, I was not ready for this, I wanted to keep these babies in as long as possible, especially, since I was 6 weeks from my due date.

Emily was told to check how far I was dialated. She said "I can't find any cervix, and I'm feeling something, I don't know what I'm feeling" I told Emily I had the uncontrollable urge to push. Dr. Ross - the OB on call came in -this being about 6:00am- checked me she agreed there was no cervix and what Emily was feeling was feet. David's foot to be precise. We no longer had time for Dr. Damron to arrive, I was rushed out of my room, pushing 2 times. I remember climbing on the Operating table for my planned c-section, Emily put a mask over my face, I pushed 2 more times. Emily switched the mask she was holding and I was gone.

I woke up back in my room, I saw Scott standing at the foot of my bed in purple scrubs, holding a baby. Scott brought the baby over and showed me the most beautiful chubby cheeked baby. My baby, Caleb. He told me David was born at 6:41 am weighing 4.8 lbs. and 18 inches, he was in the NICU on oxygen, but doing great. Caleb was born at 6:42am. weighing 6.0 lbs. and 13 inches tall, they had tried everything they could but were unable to assist him in any way. My hear broke. Scott proceede with his brother Brian, and father Craig to give Caleb his priesthood blessing. It was short and sweet and perfect. Scott then broght him to me. This being about 7:30 am. my baby was already 1 hr. old and I had missed all of it. I held him for the first time, he was so purple, I checked every little inch of him, as best I could concidering the pain, his little club feet, his short legs, his "Budda" belly, his little chin, inside his mouth his cleft pallate, then I helped him open his eyes, he had the darkest blue eyes, this was my biggest concern is not making eye contact. I got it, he looked at me!

The nurses then helped lay his little limp body on my chest, after just a few moments I started hearing people in the room say, look his color is coming in. He was alive! I stroked his back, I rubbed his hair, I felt his soft skin, and then I heard a nurse say, "We'll declare 8:05am". My baby had died. His little heart had stopped beating. The ache in my heart from the many weeks of waiting reached it peak, my heart was broken. I held him for several more minutes, then asked to have him dressed. Scott dressed him in his blessing suit, the arms needed to be rolled up several times. After passing him around for all to share their love. We went to the NICU to see David. David was crying, I laid Caleb's little body next to him, Caleb's little had fell on top of David's, David instantly settled.
We returned to my room where Scott gave Caleb his first bath. I wanted to make sure we still got all the chances to do everything we could with him.
At 8:00 that night the mortuary came to pick him up. We were told that the sooner they could do the prepatory work on him the better it would be. I was fine with this because to look at my baby 12 hours old, he didn't look the same, he was so purple from the blood settleing in him. I dressed him in his going home outfit. A little stripped polo shirt and shorts. His little feet barely poked out from the shorts.
After we sent him, Scott and I sat in my room quietly talking about the day, I wanted Scott to tell me all the details of the day, most of the day from the pain medication, I was in and out of it.
That night Scott stayed in my room with me. Holding me as I cried.

If you would after reading this, if you have any memories of the day, because I was so out of it, please post your memories so I can fill in the blanks.