on Dec. 5th we were so excited to find out we would be welcoming another baby into our home. We decided that it would be fun to tell our families on Christmas, knowing it was very early to share the news only being 6 weeks. We then decided that it would also be fun not to tell anyone else until it was impossibe to hide it. Little did we know that would become a great blessing. On Thursday Jan 26th Scott came home from work, I was exhauseted and decided we would go out to eat, just before this I used the bathroom and found a little blood. I didn't think much of it, I had spotted with all 3 other pregnancies. At 4 am I got up to go the bathroom to find alot of blood. I knew something wasn't right. I woke up Scott and we decided there was not much to do in the middle of the night, but I asked Scott to call his sister, who is a OB Medical Assistant, in the morning she got me into her Dr. for an ultrasound, which showed the baby had no heart beat and was measuring smaller than at my 8 week appt., something happened shortly after my first appt. and on Jan 28th at 4 am the horrific experience was complete, or so I thought. In all my reading in the 2 days waiting for the tissue to pass I tried to find info on what to expect, to find nothing helpful. 2 weeks after, I went to my OB to have another ultrasound to find that everything was still not cleaned out. I decided to wait a couple more weeks before I agreed to have a D&C. 4 weeks after this all began I sat in the bathroom holding the embryotic sac in my hand with all sorts of feelings and emotions.
I had so many misconceptions about miscarriage and in all the grieving of our litte Caleb never gave any credit to women in my SHARE group who were there because of a miscarriage. I take back any thoughts I had about them not really needing to be there.
Through all of this I have felt Heavenly Father's love for me and have asked myself so many times Why don't I have the same deep feelings of greif I did with Caleb, I feel so happy, and the only answer I can come up with, is that I know my Heavenly Father loves ME. And this is his plan for HIS children, HIS child is who we created a body for, but it is HIS plan and he knows what HIS children need.