Looking forward to tomorrow!

Looking forward to tomorrow!

Monday, June 30, 2008

May 12, 2008 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I woke up at 1:00 am, had a couple of contartions and went back to sleep, again I woke up at 3:00, thought nothing of having a couple more contracions. Woke up at 5:00 and called Scott, these contractions were painful. I called my nurse, Emily, she put me on the monitors, the contractions were every 2 minutes and very strong. Luckly, I remembered my breathing techniques from lamaze with Ethan. Scott arrived from the hotel about 5:15 and I recieved a dose of "Turb". Nothing happened, again at 5:30 Emily gave me another dose, again nothing happened, by this time I was scared, I was not ready for this, I wanted to keep these babies in as long as possible, especially, since I was 6 weeks from my due date.

Emily was told to check how far I was dialated. She said "I can't find any cervix, and I'm feeling something, I don't know what I'm feeling" I told Emily I had the uncontrollable urge to push. Dr. Ross - the OB on call came in -this being about 6:00am- checked me she agreed there was no cervix and what Emily was feeling was feet. David's foot to be precise. We no longer had time for Dr. Damron to arrive, I was rushed out of my room, pushing 2 times. I remember climbing on the Operating table for my planned c-section, Emily put a mask over my face, I pushed 2 more times. Emily switched the mask she was holding and I was gone.

I woke up back in my room, I saw Scott standing at the foot of my bed in purple scrubs, holding a baby. Scott brought the baby over and showed me the most beautiful chubby cheeked baby. My baby, Caleb. He told me David was born at 6:41 am weighing 4.8 lbs. and 18 inches, he was in the NICU on oxygen, but doing great. Caleb was born at 6:42am. weighing 6.0 lbs. and 13 inches tall, they had tried everything they could but were unable to assist him in any way. My hear broke. Scott proceede with his brother Brian, and father Craig to give Caleb his priesthood blessing. It was short and sweet and perfect. Scott then broght him to me. This being about 7:30 am. my baby was already 1 hr. old and I had missed all of it. I held him for the first time, he was so purple, I checked every little inch of him, as best I could concidering the pain, his little club feet, his short legs, his "Budda" belly, his little chin, inside his mouth his cleft pallate, then I helped him open his eyes, he had the darkest blue eyes, this was my biggest concern is not making eye contact. I got it, he looked at me!

The nurses then helped lay his little limp body on my chest, after just a few moments I started hearing people in the room say, look his color is coming in. He was alive! I stroked his back, I rubbed his hair, I felt his soft skin, and then I heard a nurse say, "We'll declare 8:05am". My baby had died. His little heart had stopped beating. The ache in my heart from the many weeks of waiting reached it peak, my heart was broken. I held him for several more minutes, then asked to have him dressed. Scott dressed him in his blessing suit, the arms needed to be rolled up several times. After passing him around for all to share their love. We went to the NICU to see David. David was crying, I laid Caleb's little body next to him, Caleb's little had fell on top of David's, David instantly settled.
We returned to my room where Scott gave Caleb his first bath. I wanted to make sure we still got all the chances to do everything we could with him.
At 8:00 that night the mortuary came to pick him up. We were told that the sooner they could do the prepatory work on him the better it would be. I was fine with this because to look at my baby 12 hours old, he didn't look the same, he was so purple from the blood settleing in him. I dressed him in his going home outfit. A little stripped polo shirt and shorts. His little feet barely poked out from the shorts.
After we sent him, Scott and I sat in my room quietly talking about the day, I wanted Scott to tell me all the details of the day, most of the day from the pain medication, I was in and out of it.
That night Scott stayed in my room with me. Holding me as I cried.

If you would after reading this, if you have any memories of the day, because I was so out of it, please post your memories so I can fill in the blanks.

GREAT friends

Luckly I have some of THE best friends in the whole world.
Francine kept Ethan for the night and was willing to keep him longer if we needed it. Came to visit and took Ethan to play for a day. Ammon came and helped Scott give me a priesthood blessing.
Traci, since I had only packed the babies bag, went to my apt. and packed bags for me, Scott and Ethan. Drove 1/2 way to meet Scott. As family came and went from Utah, she helped them with everything they needed. She came to visit, and though my pregnancy was there to help out with Ethan and let me sit on her couch and talk about everything that was going on.
Melissa, went to the temple and came to visit, again listening to the story of my babies.
Without these friends I would be so lonely and not dealing with the loss of my precious little one.

Throughout the next week and a half, I was given several doses of 'Turb" and had a couple of false alarms. So much family came and went every time we thought the babies were coming, it was a stressful couple of weeks. Allot of tears were shed, allot of laughs, and allot of reliance on others.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

My First Entry Before the babies were born

So I've decided that this is a more efficient way to journal.

When I talk to people they will ask me if I have written down what I just said, I tell them "no, but I will". Well 7 weeks after having my twins I have yet to write much of it down, I think because I don't have 3 hrs. to myself to hand write what has happened, so I'm going to use this blog to maybe fill it all in.

It didn't start just 7 weeks ago. It started in the year 2000!!!

Scott and I met in October of 1999, but didn't start dating until May 29th, 2000. We were engaged on July 31st and married on November 17th, 2000.

In December of 2003 we started trying to expand our family with no luck over the next 2 1/2 yrs. but on Feb 7th, 2006 I found out I was finally pregnant, I was so elated I couldn't contain my excitement and I had to tell everyone as soon as possible.
I had to have several U/S's because I was on Clomid to concive. The first one at 9 wks to check the number of fetuses, only one, and there had been some concerns with my overies being enlarged. At 13 wks I had another one to check for possible Downs or Spina Bifada and I mentioned that the Dr. had requested that measurments be taken of the right overy, I was pointing it out because I was having a little pain. After we left the office being told that they don't do that with this appt. I was crying because I was in alot of pain. We called the Dr. on call she prescribed another U/S and Lortab, I had developed a fibroid tumor that wasn't getting the blood supply it needed to survive. After a few days on the Lortab and the pain was gone. Besides the fibroid this pregnacy was everything it should be "perfect". My first little boy Ethan was born on November 2nd, 2006 and proceeded to be a perfect child dispite the colic, the 4 mos. of sleepless nights and learning everything for the first time.

When Ethan was 6 mos. old I saw my O/B and told him we were ready to try for another baby in about 3 months, with all the trouble we went through to conceive Ethan I wanted to be prepared in advance if I needed to take Clomid again. My O/B recommended we not delay the 3 months, use them to see if I would get pregnant on my own, when the 3 months were up I got my perscription filled and got my positive pregnancy test on October 14th, 2007.

On November 14th, 2007, I went in for an ultrasound to confirm, and since I was on Clomid, see how may babies we had. I never even concidered more than one baby, but there on the table at ZOE, the local women's clinic, I was told I was having twins!!! I wish I had taken my video camera, there was a lot of laughing and crying and "Are you sure". We went right out and 3 days later had traded in our SUV for a minivan.

We wanted to wait until Christmas to tell everyone we were pregnant, but upon finding out there were 2 babies, we told everyone right away so they could start planning with us.

And thus starts our eventful year of 2008!

On Jan 9th I recieved a call from my little sister Chelsea telling me that my Dad had suddenly passed away from a heart attack. So we headed straight home to Utah for the funeral. At the funeral several people told me how excited my dad had been about the babies. As I figure it, I have been told that twins skip a generation, well, my grandmother had twins, out of her 9 children the average family is about 6 times that by her 8 living children that's 48 grandchildren and I'm the one it skipped to.

On Jan. 30th I was scheduled to have another U/S. The big 20 week one. We found out we were having 2 boys and thinking nothing of it we were schedule for another big U/S at 24 wks. to get some more measurements. Who knew that in Mar. my whole prespective of being pregnant with the joys and anticipation that come with it would suddenly turn into the scariest time of my life. My whole world turned upside down.

After the U/S on Feb 27th, at 24 wks. we were told that one of the babies has skelatal dysplasia. My OB, Dr. Bradford sent me to a specialist in Billings, Dr. Damron. I saw Dr. D on Feb 29th he did another U/S and came to the same conclusion. Baby B's arms and legs measured about 5 wks. behind schedule. He gave it a name Acholdroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism. However, he wasn't completely convinced, so he scheduled us back at 28 wks. for another U/S. He wanted to recheck the arm and leg measurements, and his biggest concern was with the ribs, as of yet they were not a concern.

The next U/S came on March 21st. Walking into the clinic Iwas hoping to hear that everything was right on schedule and nothing to worry about, or at least hearing that everything was right on schedule for the Achondroplasia. It never crossed my mind that the Dr. would change the diagnosis. Especially after all of my studying of the differant dysplasias, I never in a million years would have expected to hear "Thanatophoric Dysplasia". The most common form of lethal skelatal dysplasia. Were told to expect Caleb to survive until birth, but because his ribs now at 28 weeks gestation were only measuring 19 weeks, but not to survive more than a few days.
I sat on that U/S table stunned, saying all the right things to the Dr., "These were the things you told us to prepare for" "We're still going to pray for our miracle". I stayed so composed as we left the clinic, even as we waited for our car to be brought from valet parking. As soon as I got in the car and the doors were closed I lost it. I haven't cried that hard ever in my life. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of me, stomped on and put back in my chest. It hurt so much. On the drive home we called our parents to give them the news. In the 7 years Scott and I have been married I have only seen him cry one time. He stayed pretty composed until he told his dad that he would need to be here because they would need to give Caleb his blessing before he passed. The emotions that came from my husband that day as he told his dad that his little boy was going to die, were heart wrenching. Tears and heaves that could only come from the depths of one's soul.

In April between the 2 Dr.'s I started seeing one of them every week. Dr. Bradford did all the check ups on me, to make sure I was doing fine. I saw Dr. Damron again on the 23rd of April. At this appt. he told me that Caleb had alot of excess fluid, he could tell how uncomfortable I was, and was concerned that it was putting excessive pressure on David. He scheduled me to have an amniocentisis on April 30th to remove the excess fluid.

April 29th, the ladies in my church threw me a baby shower, it was wonderful the thoughtful things I got, I was given enough money to purchase a double stroller that would accomidate 2 infant seats. The women that didn't give money gave me two gifts, in hopes that Caleb would make it. The fact that these women would talk to me about what was going on and were willing to listen, was the very most wonderful gift I could have been given.

April 30th Scott, Ethan and I drove to Billings, we dropped Ethan with our friends Ammon and Francine. I had 3 appts. that day, the first at 11:00 was with all the people who might be involved with the birth of our twins. We met with a social worker, who set up any conncetions we would need, such as hotel rooms, the Ronald McDonald house, charitable donation organizations, our birth plan. We met a Chaplin, she would make sure things were followed according to our faith, and if we needed spiritual guidence, she would be able to contact our church.
We then proceeded to the NICU for a tour, since more than likely either of the twins would end up there, we met the nursing staff. We toured the Labor and Delivery.
We then returned to Dr. Damron's office for the amnio. scheduled at 1:00. As he began the amnio, by the way, the needle is not as bad as everyone says, Dr. Damron said to expect alot of pain, he penetrated the skin, I said "Oh, that wasn't so bad" his response, "Just wait", I waited and then it came. As he inserted that needle in through the uterus, the pain was incredible, it hurt so much worse than I had expected. Angela, the nurse had prepared 2 -1 liter bottles. We filled those up very quickly, we started a 3rd bottle, then a fourth, by the time that was full and we continued to fill the fifth bottle before the sac was emptied to a normal amount of fluid, everyone in the room was shocked. 5 -1 liter bottles of fluid removed from my baby's sac, because his ribs were now so small he wasn't able to swollow and pass the fluid through his system.

After the amnio I sat up on the table and was amazed at how much better I felt. I felt as though I could run a marathon, then it hit. The contractions started. Dr. Damron had said to expect it, then came another one, stronger, then another, consistantly 4 minutes apart.
I was observed for an hour, when they didn't stop, I was sent to the Labor and Delivery to recieve a dose of "Turb" a medication used to stop contractions. It worked within a few minutes. I was told that if everything looked okay I could leave at 6:00.
With everything settled and 6:00 passed the nurse came in and told me she was going to check if I was dialated before I could leave, she did and another nurse did, I was 4cm., I was then told that I was being admitted over night. Over night turned into every night until the babies were born.